i am not your dear

Oh, sorry everyone  SORRY, I was busy finishing  my MA and also finding a much better job that required a move to a much smaller town and a much larger apartment.  But where were we?  Yoga Farts?  Ok then.


 

So, here’s the deal.  When you exist in this world as a Human with Body Issues, your social media and internet preferences all tend to respond similarly to the same things, which means for the past week I have had to encounter the iridescent-makeup-clad face of some comedian named Nicole Arbor, a.k.a.  Human Test of my Belief in the Virtue of All Things Canadian (L.M. Montgomery!  Dave and Graham!  Kate Beaton! Kids in the Hall!) over and over again with a headline informing me how much she sucks and how hurtful everything she says is.  I skimmed articles, both thoughtful and reactionary, and then I watched the video.  Here is my reaction:

Like when I watched this movie!

I don’t know what else I can say to this knock-off Jenna Marbles.  She doesn’t care to know me because I am fat and also I guess I smell like sausage so she’s going to yell at me for… my health?  Wow, sounds like she’s got a cool life.  Anyway, if she cares to be disdainful to me as a result of my avoirdupois,  then she is going to have to get in very long line of people who I don’t care about, starting with certain poorly-comb-overed presidential candidates and anyone who uses the word “artisenal”  unironically.  In six minutes, she came up with nothing I haven’t heard in nearly 30 years, since the first time a kid called me fat in kindergarten.  Nothing I hadn’t heard in my Jr. high days, when I threw away my lunches (sorry, mom) instead of committing the sin of eating in front of my classmates.  Nothing I literally haven’t heard my whole life.  I’m sure what she said was hurtful to many, but I have been inured to it for years.

And, I’m done.  I am done trying to impress or change the minds of people who will willfully discount my humanity for the sole reason of my pants size.  I have been done for a while, but this just reinforces that belief.  Those people have chosen not to know me, so they don’t get to know me.  They don’t get to request that I become more appealing to look upon before they will get to know the awesome stuff about me.  Because here is what I know about myself: I am cool.  I am funny.  I KNOW this because this weekend, I spent time with the three COOLEST AND FUNNIEST women I know, and they think I am cool and funny and tell me this constantly.  My size isn’t something they “look past”  or something they like me “in spite of.”   They rarely comment on my “health”  partially because, being adults, they know it isn’t any of their business and partially because they have seen me lift heavy objects over my head like the Hulk.   So they get to know me because they know that I am a person, full-stop.

People like Nicole Arbour (EXTRA U IS CANADIAN) don’t see me as a person, so:

Welcome to myne fielde.

Wellcome to myne fielde.


IN OTHER NEWS, I DIDN’T FALL OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH.

 

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